


Love Language

by Smokeygg



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bathing/Washing, Black Mesa fucked up moments, Dissociation, Domestic Bliss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Forzen is a bitter ex lmfao, Friends to Lovers, Hhggbnhghh i have benrey catboy disease, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Medical Trauma, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Unethical Experimentation, Vivisection, benrey is having a rough time and gordon helps, ill add more tags as I go, lots of tender shit bro, not actually a game AU, sweet voice stimming, these gays are touch starved!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24733141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokeygg/pseuds/Smokeygg
Summary: Benrey had never been good at expressing himself through words, but gifts might do the trick.
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, past Benrey/Forzen
Comments: 168
Kudos: 916





	1. Chapter 1

4 months. 

It had been 4 months since he'd escaped Black Mesa.

Everything was slow at first, agonizingly slow. Everyday, Gordon would wake up sweaty and disoriented from night terrors and force himself to do the bare minimum 'self care'. The simplest of tasks such as feeding himself were difficult, he wasnt sure he'd make it; but here he was 4 months later. Safe and living a fairly domestic life with his son and roommate.

His roommate.

The bastard showed up 2 weeks after they'd all parted ways from Chuck E. Cheese, promising to keep in touch. Gordon was finally able to call his sister who had been watching Joshua for the entirety of his absence. She luckily didn't pry him about his disappearance and just insisted that he come get his son, who missed him dearly. Gordon proceeded to spend his first week back organizing his living space, throwing out rancid groceries, cleaning, etc.

The chores were gruelling but they kept him distracted. 

He still had his right hand (thank god), it had been magically reattached when he'd arrived at Tommy's birthday party; presumably by Tommy's father, The G-Man. All that remains of the incident was a thick, keloid scar that circled his forearm. It was ugly but it was better than having a stump.

On the 2nd week of his freedom, Gordon was rudely awoken by his son informing him that his 'buddy' was in the living room eating the display fruit. 

The next month was spent adjusting to this predicament.

See, he'd tried to kick Benrey out. Several times. But he'd always come back, calling Gordon petty names for trying to rid of him. So he just decided to say fuck it and let the former security guard crash on his couch. What could go wrong?

Well actually nothing really. Joshua loved Benrey, to the point that it made Gordon a little jealous. Though he'd rather lose his hand again then admit that. Benrey would listen to the 4 year old ramble incoherently about monster trucks and how much he loved bugs, soaking it all in like it was of utmost importance, and in turn Joshua would watch the security guard play various games and listen to him infodump about Heavenly Sword or whatever. 

They had a routine now. Gordon would wake up around 8am, shower, and cook breakfast. The smell of bacon and eggs would rouse Benrey and Joshua from their slumber and by the time Gordon was making their plates, they'd both be seated at the table; bleary eyed and hungry.

Both adults were currently unemployed thanks to the hefty check of hush money they'd received from Black Mesa, so they had all the free time to spend the each day together with Joshua. It was honestly freaky seeing Benrey so... domesticated. He surprisingly gentle with Joshua and would never curse or be inappropriate around the toddler. They'd grown closer than Gordon would like to admit and Benrey now only poked fun at the scientist in a playful manner that made him smile, never overstepping his boundaries like he used to. He couldnt imagine life without his roommate.

Speaking of closeness, the alien was quite the cuddler. Benrey didn't exactly need sleep, but he'd often wind up tangled in Gordon's sheets. The standoffish behavior reminded Gordon of how a cat might act. Benrey actively denied ever cuddling with Gordon deep in the night, and the scientist didn't really have any proof as he was always gone by daylight; back on the couch. But the warmth of a second body every other night was unmistakable and Gordon dare not press the matter any further as not to scare Benrey off. Last time he'd brought it up, the guard had flushed red and stubbornly denied ever sneaking into Gordon's bed and then stormed off to go 'hang with Tommy'.

Though he never arrived at Tommy's house. 

Yeah, Benrey was like a cat. He'd act like he didn't enjoy Gordon's company, but the moment he'd leave Benrey always trailed behind. It was cute. His eyes were even cat-like, they were bright yellow with black slit pupils that would expand when he was excited or something (Gordon wasnt really sure how it worked), but the guard's pupils always seemed to be blown wide when he stared at the scientist. 

Probably didnt mean anything. 

Today marked the 4th month he'd been free from Black Mesa and he planned on maybe taking Benrey and Joshua out to celebrate. Gordon yawned and stretched his arms, groaning loudly as his joints popped painfully. He suddenly felt something sharp poking his side, Gordon lifted the blankets finding a shard of green glass. He held it in his fingers, inspecting the offending piece, finally deducing that it most likely belonged to a broken beer bottle. But why was it in his bed? He didn't own any alcohol whatsoever and always made sure The Science Team didn't bring any whenever they'd come to visit, so how did the glass get here? Whatever. He placed it on his nightstand and grabbed his glasses.

Now that he could see properly, he was suddenly acutely aware of the growing pile of trash on his nightstand. This wasnt the first time he'd woken up to a piece of trash in his bed; usually consisting of bottle caps or buttons from shirts he definitely didn't own. What the hell was going on? The only other person that ever occupied his bed was Benrey, but why would the entity leave such strange... gifts?

Gordon decided to ask later, as it wasn't exactly the most pressing of issues. He got up and went about his usually routine before exiting the bedroom. Upon entering the living room, he was greeted with the familiar sight of Benrey asleep on the couch. The guard was most definitely spooning him last night. But alas, here he was asleep on the couch as if Gordon had simply dreamt it.

_I hope not_

The sudden thought caused Gordon's stomach to flip in a familiar way. He shook his head and made a beeline for the kitchen, desperate to distract himself. The physicist whipped up a hefty breakfast of pancakes and eggs, humming a tune as he worked. Just as he finished topping Benrey's pancake with blueberries, he felt familiar cold hands snake their way under his shirt. The sudden onslaught of frigid hands pressed up against his lower back caused Gordon to yelp in suprise and whip around to face his attacker.

But there was no one there.

A moment passed as Gordon processed what just happened. He definitely felt someone or something frisk him. He looked around, opening cabinets and checking under the kitchen table; nothing.

Just as Gordon was about to go back to preparing breakfast, the sound of someone scuttling above him grabbed his attention. Looking up, the scientist was met with the sight of Benrey crawling on the ceiling; definitely not the weirdest thing he'd seen the alien do. He flashed Gordon a wicked grin and crawled closer.

"Benrey it is way too early for this– how did you even get up there so fast?? I– You know what, it doesnt matter. Go wake Joshie and tell him I made pancakes." With that, Gordon turned around and went back to his duties. He had gotten used to Benrey's shenanigans and gradually realized that the alien simply loved conflict. So Gordon just didn't engage.

Even when he was being an absolute ass, Gordon would just shrug it off. The antics were more playful if anything. Benrey never tried to actively piss him off or antagonize him, he just craved attention. It was almost endearing. Almost.

Benrey dropped from the ceiling and went to fetch the toddler as requested, while Gordon set the table.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey greasy gamer moments

Breakfast was a success and actually less chaotic than Gordon had expected. 

Benrey ate with his provided utensils instead of tearing the pancakes apart with his teeth like he had months prior, and also put his dishes in the sink without being asked. The character development was much appreciated by Gordon and he rewarded the alien by ruffling his hair affectionately. But the feeling of greasy, unwashed hair caused Gordon to promptly rip his hand away in disgust. "Jesus f–, jesus christ Benrey, when was the last time you showered??" Benrey seemed to be lost in thought for a moment, before simply shrugging and walking off to sit by Joshua, who was occupied with his building blocks.

The physicist trailed after him, "No no, Benrey you have to shower. C'mon man I'll go run the water." Gordon turned to do just that, but a sudden tune stopped him in his tracks. His eyes widened at the sight of black orbs suspended around the alien, whose head was now turned downward in what could only be shame or maybe embarassment.

Gordon made a mental note to ask Tommy what the color translated to, but for now the physicist could deduce that it _wasn't good._

Dark locks obscured Benrey's face, making it difficult for Gordon to make out what exactly the guard was feeling. He padded over to where he was sitting on the floor and crouched beside the alien.

"Benrey?"

No response. Now Gordon was starting to worry.

"Listen it– it's not something to be.. ashamed of. I know you're not exactly human and that you're still kinda, well, learning–" Gordon hesitated before continuing, "–and I'm willing to help you man, just uh.. talk to me?" The words hung in the air for what felt like an eternity, before finally Benrey shifted uncomfortably and mumbled a response that Gordon didn't quite catch.

"Sorry? You gotta speak up, I have– I'm pretty sure I have hearing loss." Gordon said halfheartedly in an attempt to lighten the mood. Benrey picked at his cuticles, a nervous tick that the physicist had noticed over time, before answering.

"don't wanna."

Gordon looked quizzically at him, trying to piece together why the alien wouldn't want to shower. If he was going to pursue this topic any further, they'd need some semblance of privacy; he glanced over at Joshua. The toddler's eyes were heavy and Gordon watched as he let out a yawn before resuming lazily stacking his blocks. The 4 year old had only been awake for a couple of hours, but it was evident that it was nap time.

"Hold that thought." Gordon said as he scooped up his son; the toddler weakly protested, small fists balled up against Gordon's shirt.

The physicist tucked him in and Joshua was out before he even got a chance to kiss him goodnight. Gordon took a moment to smile fondly at the sight, before remembering the situation at hand concerning Benrey. He shut off the light and closed the door softly.

The guard hadn't moved an inch since Gordon had left and the sight made the physicist feel sick with worry. He resumed his previous position on the floor next to Benrey and placed a gentle hand on said alien's shoulder. Benrey flinched at the sudden contact and snapped his head up, glowing yellow eyes meeting green.

"..huh?"

"Shower. Buddy. You gotta shower." Gordon answered in his classic dad tone.

Benrey grumbled and caste his gaze downwards, yet again.

"Is this like a– an alien thing? I could get Tommy, I'm sure he could uh help." Benrey shook his head and leaned closer to the physicist, letting his head bonk against the larger man's chest. "mmmno dont.. wanna bother tommy, 'm fine. It is chillllllllllll. Bro." Benrey stated flatly. Gordon rolled his eyes at the alien's stubbornness, recieving a pinch to his side in response. 

The pinch startled a yelp out of Gordon, which Benrey took much amusement in. 

_'At least he's starting to act like himself again'_ Gordon mused as he watched the guard giggle darkly. But enough beating around the bush. Gordon was determined to get to the bottom of this predicament and he refused to let Benrey throw him off track. "Alright, so talk to me Benrey. What's your– why don't you wanna shower?" Gordon challenged. He was met with an apathetic stare from the smaller man, but he waited nevertheless.

After months of living with Benrey, the physicist had come to terms with the guard's... _slower_ than average processing speed. He'd learned to be patient if he wanted a somewhat coherent response; so he was.

Bright pupils darted back and forth as Benrey gathered his scrambled thoughts. How could he explain how _hard_ it was to do such mundane tasks like showering or even eating?? Gordon would surely laugh at him and maybe even kick him out for being so gross and useless and smelly and-

"Hey. It's ok, if you dont wanna talk about it. I can– I'll give you some time alone if you want." The gruff voice stopped his train of thought from derailing any further. Benrey didn't even notice he'd begun to shake, no wonder Gordon was freaked out.

_'You freak him out idiot.'_

Benrey shook his head violently and hummed, hoping to clear his mind of anymore vile thoughts. Gordon, upon seeing this display, was obviously concerned. So, he did the first thing he could think of when it came to comforting someone, he wrapped his large arms around the alien and pulled him in close; hoping the pressure would ground him like a weighted blanket.

The contact sent Benrey spiraling even further. His mind raced with thoughts as he took in his surroundings. He was in Gordon's arms, _his big strong arms._ God he smelled really good. Benrey wanted to smell good. Why couldn't he just shower like a normal fucking person. He tried to fight back the tears brimming at his eyes, but the warmth of Gordon's embrace made it really fucking hard. At last, he broke.

"bbbbbb fuckiingg hate it bbro.. my head is so– it's loud and always makes me tired. Just wanna game.. and sleep. Sleep good. Try to uhhhh shower or whatever but I can't. Can't do it man. Shit is fucked. Barely have– barely got enough gamer power to– to get dressed or eat and uuggghhhhh I just. Yeah. Know it's dumb stupid and you're gonna laugh at me... like a big meanman... because you dont– you dont get it.. all you know is have feet and– and be man. Feet. Man." The monologue took Gordon a minute to process, but Benrey didn't care. He was so tired.

He felt raw and exposed. The alien just wanted to stay in Gordon's arms and sleep for awhile.

So he did just that; it was naptime after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the angst ,this chapter is just me uhh projecting my issues with hygiene bc of mental illness onto poor benrey. more catboy antics next chapter tho, so stick around B)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon texts Tommy and Benrey takes a bath

To say this morning wasn't exactly going according to plan, was an understatement.

But then again, when did things ever go according to plan for Gordon.

It's best not to dwell on it.

The whole situation still boggled him, what had Benrey said? Something about his brain going too fast?.. or maybe being too loud? It was lost on Gordon. All he knew was that his roommate _was_ being genuine about his inability to shower and or complete basic tasks.

Gordon in fact, was very familiar with the dilemma Benrey described. As Gordon's first weeks back were as such; wasting away in his own filth, too depressed to even check his phone for the dozens of missed calls and texts from his companions.

It was a rough time, but thanks to Tommy showing up uninvited one day at Gordon's doorstep, groceries in hand, he made it through. 

_Tommy!_ Surely the older scientist would know what to do! All Gordon had to do was contact Tommy and... wait, where was his phone?

A buzzing from his pocket answered his question, and Gordon used his free hand to fish out the device to check the notification on it's lockscreen.

Luckily it wasn't anything important, just spam. Gordon unlocked the phone and quickly shot Tommy a text.

 **Gordon (10:07AM)**  
Yo need hdlp  
Help

(Typing with one hand was harder than it looks ok.)

 **Tommy (10:08AM)**  
Is everything ok???? Can I call???

 **Gordon (10:08AM)**  
NO  
everything is finr just need help w benrey problm

 **Tommy (10:09AM)**  
Oh ok!! :) I'd be happy to help, what seems to be the issue? 

**Gordon (10:11AM)**  
He cant shower or domething? ?not sure but hes rlly upset sbout it

 **Gordon (10:12AM)**  
Said brain was too loud ,ithink 

Gordon stared at the text exchange, eagerly awaiting Tommy's reply. His chat bubble would pop up for a couple seconds, before disappearing again; the suspense causing anxiety to pool in Gordon's stomach.

He closed his phone to avoid an unnecessary anxiety attack and instead turned his focus on the figure sleeping peacefully against his chest.

A stray sunbeam from the nearby window cask a pink glow on Benrey's unusually pale skin. His lips were parted with a faint snore and his cheeks still damp with tears. Gordon set his phone down and gently wiped away what streaks remained; his thumb lingering on the other's cheek.

It was a surreal to see Benrey so tranquil.

He felt like the sight was too intimate, that nobody else but him should be able to see Benrey like this; to hold Benrey like this. Wait a minute‐ 

His phone buzzed with a message

 **Tommy (10:15AM)**  
Oh no!! Benrey can't shower!! have him take a bath pls

Can't shower..? Gordon raised an eyebrow at that. He'd never heard of someone being completely unable to shower, unless they were disabled or something of course. But as far as he was concerned, Benrey seemed fine. 

**Gordon (10:17AM)**  
Why cnat he shower?

Gordon once again watched the typing bubble mock him. He felt a bit guilty asking Tommy such a prying question, but he was curious and hated being in the dark.

Both metaphorically and literally.

It's not like the seemingly immortal alien's one weakness was a measly shower. At least he hoped not.

 **Tommy (10:20AM)**  
Uhm well, showers are kind of a lot for him?? It's a lot of sensory stimuli and he gets overwhelmed from the noise and the feeling of the water. And yeah.

 **Tommy (10:21AM)**  
If that makes sense.

Now Gordon was starting to feel bad. Of course it was sensory overload! Why hadn't he thought of that! He mentally slapped himself for being so ignorant, all of the signs were right in front of him and he just completely ignored them. He definitely owed Benrey an apology when he woke up.

Speaking of which. 

Gordon texted Tommy a quick 'thank you' and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Benrey looked so content in his arms, he almost felt guilty as he began to coax him awake. Gordon gently cupped the guards face with his free hand and papped him on the cheek. Heavy eyelids fluttered open and Gordon watched as Benrey took a moment to gauge his surroundings, before finally looking up at the physicist.

"..huh why'd ya wake me, friend?" He drawled out, resting his head back against Gordon's chest. 

"Because I gotta run you a bath and I can't exactly– i can't do that, while cradling you." The guard weakly booed him and snuggled deeper into his chest.

So that's how it's gonna be huh?

Gordon could play that game.

Before Benrey could protest, Gordon hooked his free hand under said guard's legs, effortlessly lifting him into a bridal carry. A moment passed as the alien came to 2 realizations. 

1: Gordon was _very_ strong, even without his HEV suit.

2: Gordon was going to run a bath for him, which meant that he cared for Benrey's wellbeing.

Both realizations made him flush red in embarrassment. He shoved his face back into Gordon's chest and let out a muffled groan of sweet voice.

"Hey! that better not stain my shirt, I just did laundry." The physicist warned. Luckily, the bubbles seemed to pass right through him, leaving a trail of dark red orbs behind them as Gordon briskly carried the guard to his bedroom and then into the attached bathroom; where he set Benrey on the counter next to the sink.

Benrey picked at his nails as Gordon ran the bath, trying to keep himself focused on anything but the man in front of him.

Gordon gathered everything he'd need from the shower and placed the different bottles around the tub, so that they were within reach.

Benrey eyed them curiously, how was he supposed to know which soap to drink first?? Humans were weird like that, buying 4 of the same tasting soaps. A waste of money in his opinion.

It didn't take long for the tub to fill and the next thing Benrey knew he was alone. Gordon had bid him goodluck and opted to give the alien some privacy while he undressed.

Whatever, don't need Feetman's help. He could bathe on his own.

The warm water felt amazing on his grimy skin. He slowly sank deeper till only his eyes were visible. The guard let out a pleasant string of orbs, voicing his satisfaction to no one in particular. Who knew bathing could be so relaxing? 

Now to the hard part, the actual bathing.

Where to begin..

Benrey looked at the different bottles, each covered in a clusterfuck of words and colors. The sight alone making the alien cringe. _Fuck it,_ he decided, grabbing the bright pink bottle closest to him.

Benrey popped open the cap and raised it above his head, ready to pour the contents into his mouth.

A sudden knock at the bathroom door startled Benrey; causing him to squeeze the bottle so hard, that shampoo shot directly into his eyes.

What the fuck did humans bathe themselves with?? _Acid??_ His eyes were burning and rubbing them only seemed to worsen the pain. He thrashed around blindly, getting water all over the bathroom floor and walls.

Gordon burst into the room at the sound of the commotion just as Benrey dunked his head underwater, at a last attempt to rid his eyes of the chemicals.

Gordon, unaware of the alien's predicament, surged forward and yanked him out of the water. "Benrey?? What the fuck man– what is– are you okay????" Gordon stammered out, trying to find the guard's face from under the mop of black hair. Benrey peered up at him with six new eyes, blinking slowly before answering.

"huh?"

"You were.. ok. I'm gonna put you down now." He released the alien's arms and watched as he slide back into the tub nonchalantly; as if he wasn't just thrashing around like a madman minutes before. 

"what's uh, what's up man? come in here to-to join me? feels nice you should totally do that. please?" Benrey mused, blinking away his six eyes so that he only had the two. Though he continued to rub at the them absentmindedly.

"Wh– no! I was just gonna bring you a towel but then I heard you fucking— splashing around like a– like you were drowning or something. Care to explain?" He said, gesturing to the mess Benrey had made of the floor, but the guard only provided him with a shrug. Of course.

"'m just chillin maaannn, you're the.. you're the one grabbing me and– and trying to uh kill the vibe. what's up with that? bro?" Gordon sighed and massaged his temples. "Do you even know how to bathe? How to– how to take a bath??" He shot back, raising an eyebrow. 

"no."

He... wasn't fully prepared for that answer.

Benrey looked down at the water in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. Nobody had taught him how to bathe, how was he supposed to know?

Back at Black Mesa, they'd just throw him in _the box_ , where he was met with the painful onslaught of five different showerheads powerwashing him with ice cold sanitary water. The process only last about a minute, but it fucking sucked.

Simply looking back at it made Benrey shudder involuntarily, claws sinking into his sides as he clung to himself. 

Gordon noticed his discomfort and felt a pang of guilt for teasing the alien. God, he was an asshole sometimes wasn't he? Least he could do was show Benrey how to bathe correctly, rather than ridicule him for not knowing in the first place. 

"That's.. that's alright man. I can show you, don't even sweat it." He answered, clapping Benrey on the back.

Now how was he going to go about this? He was definitely not about to strip down and do a full demonstration, no. Maybe he could just.. walk him through it? Yeah that could work. 

This was gonna be.. interesting to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok hiii sorry for taking so long to update, my executive dysfunction is quite the bitch. also i'm gonna start responding to comments, I was too scared to before but trust me I read every single one (multiple times) and they made me really happy!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> Anyways, see yall next update.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bath time for benboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harm scars in this chapter (its brief dont worry) if you're sensitive to that, just skip the paragraph starting with "Scattered across.."
> 
> Anyways enjoy!

Where to begin..

Well there's not exactly a set guideline for bathing, so the physicist decided to show Benrey how he personally went about it.

Gordon grabbed the pink bottle of shampoo, that Benrey had temporarily blinded himself with earlier, and pointed to the label. "This is shampoo. You put it in your hair first and then wash it out. Simple." He instructed, before handing the bottle over to Benrey.

The alien turned the bottle over in his hands, acutely aware of the chemicals that lie within it. Once again, he raised the bottle above his head, only this time aiming for the top of his head rather than his mouth. Gordon watched in horror as Benrey violently squeezed the bottle, effectively emptying it's contents onto his head in a matter of seconds. 

There goes at least a month's worth of shampoo, and he had got it on sale! Damn.

Gordon swiped the now empty bottle out of Benrey's hands, earning a dejected whine from the guard. "Ok, that was– WAY too much shampoo, but I guess that's on me for not telling you how much to uh.. to use." Gordon continued, "All you have to do now is scrub it in and then wash it out! Easy-peasy." He declared.

Scrub it in?.. Benrey wasn't really sure what the other meant by that, so he just sat there motionless, trying to put together what exactly he was supposed to do next.

Just as Gordon was about to say something, it was like a lightbulb lit up in the guard's head. His hands shot up and began to furiously scrub at his scalp; claws worrying the skin. Gordon lurched forward and grabbed both of Benrey's wrists in an effort to stop him from fucking scalping himself. 

"Jesus man! You gotta be– y'know _gentle_ with yourself." Gordon's plea fell on deaf ears as Benrey stared at the hands grasping his wrists with a firm, yet benign hold. He met the other's gaze, pupils blown wide, and felt the familiar thrum of sweetvoice rising in his throat.

He torn his eyes away and ducked down in a last attempt to stop the orbs from escaping. Gordon said something, but Benrey once again failed to process it as he centered his focus on keeping the sweetvoice at bay.

Just as he felt the orbs dissipating, two strong hands begin to gently massage the shampoo into his hair. Benrey practically choked as the sweetvoice erupted from him, lilacs and soft pinks swirling around the bathroom with a hum.

Gordon eyed the orbs but otherwise didn't mention it, much to Benrey's surprise (and relief). 

He lightly applied pressure, making sure not to use his nails, as he worked the shampoo into the other's hair. The physicist smiled at the sight of Benrey leaning into his touch; a light blush dusting his cheeks. Gordon continued the ministrations for a good 2 minutes before turning on the faucet and instructing Benrey to put his head under the running water. 

Now rinsed off, Benrey looked quizzically at the physicist, unsure if they'd completed the bath.

Gordon answered his question by grabbing the conditioner and this time squeezing an ample amount on the other's head. Benrey rested his head against the bathtub, as Gordon began massaging the product into his hair like he had done previously.

The world became fuzzy as Benrey drifted in and out of consciousness, feeling warmth growing in his chest as he listened to Gordon hum softly. Soon enough, the faucet was turned on again and he was ducking his head lazily under it. 

Gordon turned off the faucet and handed Benrey a bar of soap and a rag. Benrey listened halfheartedly as Gordon explained what to do with the objects before standing and announcing that he was going to check up on Joshua, and that he would be back promptly.

Benrey watched the door shut and looked down at the offending objects he'd been given. What had he said? Something about using them to clean his skin? Alright. Benrey wrapped the soap in the rag and did just that, hoping he wasn't fucking up too badly.

By the time Gordon knocked on the door, Benrey was already out of the tub and wrapped in a towel; wet hair cascading down past his shoulders as he sat on the edge of the tub. Gordon did a double take upon entering the bathroom and seeing the former security guard like this, towel wrapped around his waist leaving his upper torso exposed to the chilly air. 

Scattered across his upper half were an alarming amount of scars, varying in degrees from what looked like self inflicted to surgical. The self inflicted ones stood out the most to Gordon. Harsh bite marks starkly evident on the alien's hands, aswell as what looked to be deep scratches on his forearms; the sight alone made Gordon feel like someone punched the air out of his lungs. The surgical scars mainly resided on Benrey's chest and back, precise incisions that looked like they'd been opened and closed multiple times. As Benrey raised his head to meet the other's intrusive gaze, Gordon finally noticed it. There was a _giant_ Y-shaped scar that started at the front of each shoulder and met at the end of his sternum; the cut continued down his midline and effectively ended somewhere below his towel; most likely at the pubic bone. Gordon brought a hand up to his mouth as he gaped in horror. It looked as if Benrey had be subjected to a multitude of scientific experiments and procedures that no normal human could survive. The kind they did on _corpses_. 

He swallowed dryly.

Millions of questions raced through Gordon's head as he felt both anger and grief swell in his chest at the grisly sight. But before he could try and voice them, Benrey interrupted his spiraling thoughts by obnoxiously clearing his throat. 

"uhh so 'm clean. now what? kinda cold and i need clothes? Please?"

Shit. Right. Gordon quickly left the bathroom in favor of fetching the guard something of his to wear. Gordon had tried taking Benrey shopping for his _own_ clothes, but he simply insisted on wearing Gordon's; stating that they 'felt nice and cool' or something along those lines. 

Though he'd never admit it out loud, Gordon found it endearing. Benrey was much shorter than him, and seeing him wearing _his_ clothes made Gordon want to kiss him stupid.

That last thought made his stomach flip and his cheeks tinge red. He shook his head, desperately trying to focus on the task at hand. That was _not_ a can of worms he wanted to open anytime soon.

This time, instead of barging in as he had done previously, Gordon opted to, rather, leave the clothes in a folded pile outside the door. "Your clothes are outside, I'm gonna go wake Joshie and get him ready so we– so we can head out to the mall. Or something.." He trailed off, awaiting the other's reply.

After a few seconds of eerie silence, Gordon faintly heard what sounded like a noise of agreement; that was good enough for him. He set off to ready his son for their day out, anxiety pricking his mind at the thought of taking Benrey out in public.

Ever since the last incident they had at Walmart (Benrey trying to climb the wine display to 'get the good shit'), Gordon had banned the alien from tagging along with him during grocery runs and the likes.

Then again, that was 2 months ago. Benrey has grown alot since then. He even uses silverware now! 

Yeesh, those were his standards now huh?

Eh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter shall depict benrey acting a fool in public, pray for Gordon yall lmao


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quick flashback and then mall time babey,,also guest appearance from a certain bootboy

_He awoke to someone standing over him, peering down at him. He squinted with straining eyes, burnt by the brightness of the surrounding halo of incandescent light that outlined the stranger. He wondered if they were an angel._

_"Hi, I'm– my name's Tommy! What's yours?"_

_"..."_

_"Uhm, can you– can you uh hear me?"_

_"..huh"_

_Everything was cold. The table beneath him, the surrounding air, the steel staples embedded in his flesh. All cold. Blunt nails scraped against the metal table as he struggled to sit up, ignoring as his body spasmed in protest._

_"W-woah!! uh you-you can't uh!!" The boy, Tommy, quickly shot forward and gently guided him back to his previous position flat against the cold surface. "Sorry you aren't suppose to.. you can't move too much. At least for now." That certainly supplied him with no new information._

_At least from what he could feel, he was fucked up. His entire body ached. Deep throbbing emitted from seemly everywhere. Especially his chest._

_He opened his mouth to ask something, anything, but all that came out was a weak "whuh?" Much to his dismay._

_Thankfully, Tommy seemed to understand the lackluster response. "The doctors have been.. have been fixing you! So you're gonna hurt lots for– for a while. B-but don't worry!! I'll keep you company! My dad said.. he said you're like me and uh that– that we should be friends!"_

_He took a moment to digest this.. onslaught of information; most of which still making little to no sense._

_Why were doctors "working" on him? God what the fuck did they do. Why does everything hurt. His head buzzed as he tried to mull over what Tommy had said, while simultaneously fighting off the urge to vomit from the pain alone._

_He stared at the bright fluorescent lights overhead in an effort to focus on anything but the violent ache in his chest. Static flitted at the edges of his vision, making him feel even more disconnected._

_Everything smelled sterile. His mouth tasted of a familiar iron. The lights' buzzing matched the static filling his ears. He'd been here before. He never left._

_He felt woozy and detached, but it was better than the alternative. For now he reveled in the comfortable static noise._

_Tommy smiled at him and he tried to smile back but everything hurts. His body was aching. His head was throbbing and his skin felt tight. It's cold and his bloodshot eyes welled with tears as it kept getting colder. He shut his eyes, a whimper escaping his lips._

_A warm hand glides down his arm, fingers lacing with his own and it all feels wrong. His hands aren’t his. This room isn’t his. Tommy gives his palm a reassuring squeeze and runs his thumb over his knuckles. The gesture grounds him surprisingly, and slowly the static recedes._

_He opens his eyes and matches his gaze to the other's bright eyes, offering a weak smile._

_"Wh– what's your name?" The question catches him off guard. What was his name? He didn’t quite know how to say it in this language, but he responded anyway. "..benrey." His tongue felt as if it was covered in syrup._

_"Benrey? I like it! It's unique li– like uh.. like a snowflake in a vast blizzard!" The strange compliment made Benrey smile, this time genuinely. Tommy flapped his free hand happily at the sight of his new friend smiling. There were so many things he wanted to talk about and do, but it was obvious Benrey wasn't going to be able to move for awhile._

_Tommy had never had a real friend before, only his beyblades and father keeping him company, so he was fine waiting. How ever long it took for his new friend to feel better, he'd wait._

_"You should.. you should go back to sleep. I-I'll watch over you." Tommy suggested. He released Benrey's hand and pulled up a chair from the wall. Once seated, he laced their hands together again and began humming._

_The sound was soothing to Benrey's ears and he felt his senses begin to dull. Drifting off to sleep had never been easier. He barely registered a soft kiss being placed on his knuckles before he's out like a light._

* * *

"-nd please don't run off, it's hard enough keeping up with Joshua, okay? Also- Benrey are you even listening??" Gordon was buckling Joshua into his car seat and apparently Benrey was supposed to be mentally present. 

"whuh?"

The physicist sighed, closing the backseat car door. Benrey fidgeted with seat belt as he tried to piece together what he'd missed.

Last thing he could recall was Gordon leaving clothes for him to wear outside the bathroom door. Did he get dressed? The familiar sight of Gordon's old hoodie and sweatpants on his person answered that question. What else happened.. how and when did he get in Gordon's car??

It was an understatement to say he wasn't all there today.

His dissociative episodes left him oblivious at times and to be honest he never really knew what the fuck was going on. Benrey would usually try his best to act like he knew what was happening by putting up a front, but lately even that wasn't working with his roommate. Curse Freeman for being so attentive.

The car started and Benrey watched as Gordon backed it out of the apartment parking lot and onto the road. Where were they going again? He was afraid to ask; afraid of how Gordon might react. He opted, instead, to stare out the window and fidget with the drawstrings of his hoodie.

The longer he stared the more he could feel himself slipping. His thoughts were static, rapidly changing frequencies. Inaudible. He felt pain behind his eyes but it was as if the pain wasn't his to feel.

A sharp pain in his thumb indicated that he'd bit a little too hard. When did he even begin to bite it in the first place? Dark blood bubbled at the surface of the small wound. He quickly stuck the thumb in his mouth, hoping it'd help deter the blood from gushing out everywhere.

Gordon was talking again, he sounded distressed. Maybe Benrey should tune in.

"-ry I'm serious you've been like this since I left you alone in the bathroom. Did— was it too much? I'm sorry I shouldn't have.. I overstepped my boundaries didn't I?" Benrey noted the physicist's white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel as he spoke. He wondered where Gordon's wedding ring was, considering he was a divorcee. Maybe he sold it? Benrey would've definitely sold it and used the cash money to buy some cool beyblades for him and Tommy. Marriage was a scam anyways. _Oh shit_ Gordon was looking at him. Right he was supposed to respond.

"uhh no 'm just.. kinda blah today y'know? you— you didn't uhm you didn't do anything wrong bro, promise. just feeellinggg uhhhh mad sucks. today." Apparently they'd arrived at their destination, considering the car was stopped, and Gordon was looking directly at him now. Fuck, he hated eye contact.

Gordon seemed relieved with his answer and huffed a laugh, reaching over to give the guard a reassuring pat on the shoulder. The touch made his blood run cold and left a miserable ache in his heart.

He wanted more. He wanted so much more.

Soon enough they were entering the mall, Joshua held onto his father's hand as they walked around. Benrey had never been to a mall before, the massive ceilings and moving stairs were certainty a sight to behold. His marveling, however, was cut short as he collided with a mannequin.

"oudgh pardon me. sir. you got uh ID? to be standing there?" Gordon rolled his eyes at the familiar line of nonsensical questioning.

"Benrey it's a mannequin, it's not– c'mon man." He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. The guard eyed the plastic model, seemingly not convinced, before mumbling something and resuming his position next to Gordon.

Said physicist sighed in relief and grabbed the other's hand. Benrey's brain seemed to short-circuit as he looked down at the larger hand grasping his own. "Gotta make sure you don't walk into another– another display, knucklehead." Gordon said teasingly, before tugging them along.

Benrey sputtered out a few orbs as he was led further into the mall, trying not to focus on the warmth building in his chest.

They walked around for awhile before finally entering a clothing store that Gordon frequented.

Pop music blared from the speakers of the store and it reaked of polished wood and cheap cologne. Benrey scrunched his nose up, but bit back any remarks; knowing it was a one way ticket to an argument.

Gordon released his hand to pick up a shirt that caught his eye. "Go look around. I know you insist on wearing my clothes.. for some reason, but if you see anything you want just grab it." Benrey lingered for a second unsure of where to start. There were clothes everywhere. Who the fuck needed so many clothes??

After wandering around for a while, he ended up in the clearance section. A dark blue chullo caught his eye and he wasted no time pulling it over his head.

Ever since Gordon had thrown out his battered helmet, he'd been hatless. Usually he'd settle for wearing a ballcap and hoodie, like he was now. But this chullo felt _amazing._ It provided the right amount of pressure that made him feel secure, while also being incredibly soft and breathable. He yanked on the ear-flaps excitedly and sang out warm hues of sweet voice. 

Soon enough, Gordon was making his way over to the guard upon hearing the symphony. He watched as the other yanked the hat over his eyes and sang louder; seemingly overwhelmed with joy.

"Hey bud, you uh find yourself something?" Gordon mused, tilting his head to the side.

Benrey nodded in an exaggerated manner, and peeked out from under the chullo. "got a fu– flippin' sweeett hat man, look it's.. it's have a lil' uhmm poof thing ontop." He flicked the pom-pom to demonstrate, "yeah don't be jealous, 's cool or whatevs." Gordon snorted and shook his head. "Alright man, let's go check out. Then we'll hit the food court, Joshie wants some grub." Said toddler was currently hiding in a rack of sweaters, eyeing the two curiously, before ducking back behind the clothes

After checking out and successfully wrangling Joshua out from behind the sweaters, they were off. 

Joshua eagerly pulled the two towards a Sonic, announcing his order of cheesy tatertots loudly to whoever would listen.

Gordon didn't noticed the alien's hesitation as he busied himself with reading the menu. But a familar, throaty voice stopped his train of thought immediately.

"Benrey..? Benrey is that you?"

 _Forzen._ Forzen was working at Sonic. 

The former militant seemed to be unaware of Gordon's presence entirely, instead staring past him and right at Benrey. 

"huh? what."

The flat response seemed to anger Forzen. "What do you mean 'what'?? You've been ignoring my texts for weeks now, what the hell man???"

Forzen sounded hurt, and embarrassingly desperate. Gordon looked over his shoulder at a nonchalant Benrey, trying to gage the situation. "ohh yeah whoops haha." He smacked his lips and glanced lazily at the menu, seemingly done with the conversation.

Joshua tugged at Gordon's sleeve with a whine, reminding the physicist why they were here in the first place.

"Sorry I don't mean to.. interrupt whatever this is, but can I order? Or-" 

"Yeah yeah, whatever what do you want." Forzen snapped, glaring at the man. 

Gordon was taken aback by the respond, but decided not to engage. He instead quickly rattled off his order, eager to be done with this interaction as soon as possible.

The former militant scribbled down the order harshly, before grumbling something and disappearing into the kitchen.

He sighed in relief and turned to Benrey, crossing his arms. "Care to explain?" He inquired with his classic dad voice. The guard met his gaze with an intense stare, his pupils expanding rapidly, before blinking slowly.

What the fuck.

A loud crash snapped Gordon out of whatever trance the alien had him in, and he instinctively pulled Joshua closer to him before whipping around. Forzen was fuming, face red and eyes wild. 

"Are you FUCKING kidding me??!?! You– you're already– _WITH HIM??!?_ You never even.. I–" Forzen's rant was cut short by a stream of blue orbs hitting him square in the face.

"calm down, please?"

A moment passed. Then another. This was getting awkward. Gordon shifted from foot to foot, trying to ignore the tension in the air.

Suddenly, a tray of food was slammed down infront of him, causing Gordon to yelp in surprise and then Forzen was gone; retreating back to the kitchen.

He hadn't even payed yet.. but Gordon wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. So he just took the tray and found them a place to sit, far away from the Sonic.

Joshua dug into the greasy tatertots happily and Gordon began unwrapping his burger, sparing the alien infront of him a glance.

Benrey hadn't asked for any food and he kinda felt bad just eating infront of him like this. But before he could offer to buy the guard something, he muttered something about not being hungry. 

That was good enough for him.

Gordon ate his burger in relative silence, enjoying the background chatter from those mingling about and the soft music playing overhead. 

Once they finished eating, and Gordon had cleaned up Joshua's greasy hands and face, he finally posed the question that had been weighing on his mind.

"So uh.. you and Forzen, huh?"

"yeah it's uhh was awhile ago. he's just all hung up on me because– because im so sexy and awesome. don't worry 'bout it."

"No shit. Anyways wanna hit up GameStop?"

"yeeessssss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo sorry this took forever, I made it extra long as compensation,, feedback keeps me motivated so plewasee leave comments n shit ,ok love you bye


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: vivisection, panic attacks, PTSD, self harm (scratching), and dehumanizing language.
> 
> Yeah it's getting real, enjoy lol

The trip to gamestop, admittedly, could’ve gone better.

Maybe if Gordon had held onto Benrey’s hand a _little_ tighter, the alien wouldn’t’ve been able to worm his way to the back of the store; where the one employee was stationed, behind a scuffed counter, sorting merchandise.

Benrey had wasted no time engaging in a heated argument with the poor employee over whether or not Bass Pro Fishing 4 was available on the PS2 (spoiler alert: it wasn't).

That wasn’t even the worst part. What nearly got security called on them, was Benrey attempting to climb over the counter; claiming the employee was “hiding the goods”.

As much as Gordon wanted to be mad, the absurdity of the whole situation made it nearly impossible. Especially after seeing the look on that poor employee’s face when Benrey tried to claw his way over the counter.

By the end of it, the physicist was in hysterics as he led the three of them away from the store.

For the sake of setting a good example for Joshua, he gave Benrey the weakest scolding of his life. The being simply brushed it off and continued to swing their interlocked hands, as they walked towards the center of the mall.

The last thing Gordon needed was for Benrey’s behavior to rub off on his kid; the thought alone made him shudder.

“brrooooo they got baths.” Benrey noted flatly as the extravagant fountain, located at the heart of the mall, came into view

Joshua squealed in delight and pulled the two adults forward, eager to toss a coin--or whatever else he could get his hands on--into the murky water before them.

Gordon suddenly became _very_ aware of the possibility of Benrey making a scene by diving into the fountain and trying to steal the treasures that lay within it, or worse. He tightened his grip on the other’s hand, hoping he’d understand the warning. Benrey shot him a glance and squeezed back, a silent affirmation that he’d behave (at least for now).

Joshua whined impatiently, making grabby hands for what he knew Gordon had on his person.

"Alright alright hold on bud.”

The physicist freed his hand from Benrey’s--receiving a whine--and dug through his pockets, fishing out a shiny quarter.

Benrey watched curiously as the toddler snatched the coin and scampered closer to the impressive fountain. He peeked over the marble ledge, bright eyes sparkling in tune with the rippling water, before tossing the coin in. It hit the water with a _kerplunk_ , and then sank. Now lost among the many identical coins resting within the fountain's depths. 

A look of despair crossed the alien’s face as he bore witness to the act. Why had the toddler thrown away his father’s gift?? Maybe it was an accident? Surely it must’ve been.

That gave him an idea: he could get it back!

The plan was brilliant, Benrey was sure he’d save the day and maybe even get a kiss from a certain someone, because that’s what happens according to the movies.

He left Gordon’s side and joined Joshua by the ledge of the fountain, meeting the younger one’s gaze.

“hey lil man, what uh what happened to your coin? ya lost it? clumsy.” Joshua gave the guard a look of puzzlement, half of what he said barely registering with the toddler; Benrey continued, nonetheless. “ah no worries gamer, im gonna- gonna saaave your loot. bro.” With that, he lifted one leg half way over the ledge; just enough to propel himself into the water. But before he was able to even begin to try, a gruff hand seized the nape of his neck roughly.

The grip seemed to sedate the alien, his body laxing in the other’s grip; much like a housecat when you grabbed them by their scruff.

“Benrey what in god’s name do you think you’re doing?? I literally JUST bathed you before- before we got here!” Gordon demanded, with one hand on his hip.

The reprimanding seemed to snap Benrey out of whatever trance the physicist’s grasp had him in, and he crossed his arms, pouting; much like he always did when Gordon stopped him from doing something stupid.

Gordon relinquished his hold on the guard, allowing him to slump against the fountain ledge sulkingly. The only answer the physicist received to his previous inquiry was a string of barely audible grumbles and a few orbs spat off to the side.

_“Benrey.”_

The dad voice was fully activated now, Benrey didn’t stand a chance.

“hhnn was just tryna.. help. tiny freeman lost his stupid fu-- freakin’ coin and was gonna. go take a swim an’ get it. bbbbbb.” Benrey explained, yanking on the strings of his chullo in embarrassment.

Gordon took a second to register the string of words, only then realizing that Benrey’s act of dumbassery was actually just him trying to be helpful.

The physicist snorted at the thought of Benrey throwing himself into the fountain to retrieve the coin, only for Joshua to inevitably throw it back in; like a fucked up game of fetch.

“Ben- Benrey no, you- you don't,” he snorted again, “you’re supposed to throw th- the coins in. It’s a weird uh human thing. You make a wish and- and toss a coin into the fountain to make it come true.” Gordon explained, suddenly flushing as he realized how ridiculous the whole thing sounded.

A few pink orbs slipped past his lips as Benrey watched the other’s face scrunch up in bashful amusement. The sight alone made his stomach do flips.

_Shit. Fuck._

He swatted at the orbs and quickly stood, eager to get a move on.

“Uhhh yeah ok that’s. that’s really dumb stupid. anwayss what's for din-din im hungggyyy.” He whined, leaning against the physicist as if he was too weak to stand on his own. Joshua perked up at the mention of food and joined in on the pestering, leaving poor Gordon outnumbered 2-1.

He shifted his weight so Benrey was leaning without support, and then grabbed him, successfully putting the guard in a playful headlock.

“Ohh i dont know.. You _did_ just try to- to throw yourself into a fountain mere minutes ago.. Might just uh skip din-din..” He mused, looking down at the being with an eyebrow raised. Benrey let out a whiney _‘nnooooowuh’_ in response to the teasing, jutting out his bottom lip to ensure his pout game was 100%.

Gordon rolled his eyes fondly and ruffled the other’s chullo, releasing them from his hold. “Fine fine, c’mon it’s getting late anyways.” With that he grabbed both Joshua and Benrey’s hands, and set off towards the exit.

Benrey about lost it at how nonchalant the physicist was about holding their hand; almost like it was second nature.

More pink orbs slipped through his teeth, luckily going unnoticed by the man they were directed towards.

Dinner consisted of BLTs--BLs for Joshua since he disliked tomatoes--and mac 'n cheese. It was more of a TV room kind of dinner, so that’s exactly where they ate it at.

Benrey was granted the honor of choosing a movie, since he'd behaved during today’s outing. He decided on, predictably, All Dogs Go to Heaven 2; which definitely wasn't on Netflix last time Gordon checked, but he decided not to ask questions for the sake of his own sanity.

About a quarter of a way into the movie, Gordon paused it and excused himself to go put their dishes away, leaving Joshua and Benrey alone.

The toddler was more than used to Benrey’s presence so it wasn’t anything crazy, and Gordon knew he could trust the alien to be alone with his son; at least until adult supervision was needed. 

Joshua then turned to Benrey, wide brown eyes staring up at the alien's golden ones. “Do you-- are you ‘nd papa gonna get married?” The toddler asked innocently.

The question left Benrey sputtering out orbs instead of answers. Joshua just stared, as toddlers often did, marveling at the light show.

Before he could even begin to throw together some bullshit response, Gordon returned from the kitchen and seated himself between the two. Luckily, Joshua seemed to have moved on from the topic, more focused on the juicebox Gordon had brought for him.

Benrey shimmed up to the physicist’s side, whining at the prospect of not receiving a juicebox. Gordon sighed and pulled out another, prompting an excited burst of warm hues from the alien.

Content, he snuggled into Gordon’s side, sipping on his apple juice.

Gordon smiled and wrapped his arm around the other, allowing them to rest their head on his collarbone. Joshua joined the cuddle session soon after, choosing to settle on Gordon’s thigh as he often did after a long day.

The movie played on, but Gordon could care less, too content with his family. He pointedly avoided dwelling on the fact that he now considered Benrey to be a part of his family. Instead choosing to focus on Joshua’s slow breathing and Benrey’s cold cheek pressed against his collarbone.

The sun had long set by the time the credits were rolling. Gordon turned off the TV and carefully maneuvered out from under the sleeping guard, leaving him to splay out on the couch. 

Gordon then scooped Joshua up, making sure not to wake his sleeping roommate. He went through the usual routine of getting the sleepy toddler ready for bed; dressing him in his favorite pajamas and helping him brush his teeth. By the time Joshua’s little head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. Gordon smiled fondly at the sight and pressed a soft kiss onto his baby boy's forehead.

Exiting the room quietly, Gordon returned to the living room where Benrey was still passed out on the couch. He grabbed a spare blanket and carefully laid it over the alien's sleeping form. He stilled for a second, taking in the sight. It was, after all, rare to see Benrey sleeping. The alien always managed to wake up before him, even when he snuck in the physicist’s bed.

Gordon shook his head and yawned, deciding not to dwell on it. He shut off the remaining lights and headed off to bed, spent from such a busy day.

Sleep came surprisingly easy, but as he drifted off he couldn't help but mourn the empty space next to him. Distinctly lacking a certain roommate.

* * *

_Cold. Cold. Cold._

_It burns, oh how it burns when they run that detestable scalpel across his skin; when they peel back layers of muscle to explore further. They never use any anesthetic. They think he can’t really feel it, and even if they knew he could, they wouldn't care. He's just a subject of observation. A lab rat._

_The cold metal table seemed to want to freeze him alive, and the unbearably tight restraints holding him in place stung. He couldn't noclip like he normally would, well aware of the equipment that would electrocute him if he tried to escape. Even worse, they'd put an end to his visits from Tommy._

_God how he wished Tommy was here._

_Only when Tommy was present for these experiments, would the scientists allow him the privilege of anesthesia. Tommy always stood up for him, he really liked Tommy._

_Thinking about his friend helped take his mind off the feeling of his ribcage being sawed open._

_Gloved hands dug into his now open ribcage and cupped his heart. “I won’t take anything out today,” the doctor says, casually. “But I must say, I’ve never seen such an... interesting looking heart in all my years. Really, your insides are quite something, X–2597.”_

_The name rang aloud in his head, over and over again. A sick reminder of who he really was and always will be: property of Black Mesa._

_Static overtook his senses, as his eyes finally rolled back into his head. The blissful nothingness was better than this sterile hell they called the operation room._

* * *

Benrey shot forward, soaked from head to toe in sweat and shaking violently.

__

Where was he? Why was it so dark? It took a second for him to become aware of his surroundings, recognizing the familiar couch he was seated on.

__

Right right, he lived here with Gordon. He was safe here.

__

He brought his legs up to his chest and began steadily rocking back and forth to calm down. The scars on his chest burned with phantom pain, throbbing in time with his racing heartbeat. The searing pain seemed to only worsen as he zeroed in on it.

__

He hadn't even noticed the stream of orbs spilling from his trembling lips. Their inky color unapologetically showcasing his raw fear to any who entered the living room.

__

The color didn't have a quirky rhyme like most of his sweet voice did thanks to Tommy. No, the black orbs didn’t need a rhyme. The dark melody was only sung when Benrey was 'triggered'; as stated by Tommy, when the guard first sang it in front of him. He later explained that what the alien was experiencing was something called _Pee-Tee-SDee._

__

Whatever that was.

__

As the throbbing increased, so did the pace of his rocking. He screwed his eyes shut and clawed desperately at the largest scar, not caring if the pain worsened. He just wanted it off. Its' presence served as a constant reminder of what they did to him, over and over and over again.

__

Another sob tore through his frame as his thoughts continued to spiral. He painfully recalled how Gordon had reacted when he first saw Benrey's exposed chest. The way his brow knitted in disgust and his mouth grimaced at Benrey's battered form. There was no way in hell that Gordon would ever find him even remotely attractive, he was a broken thing. Used

__

He barely registered the dark liquid coating his claws as he continued to scratch, either uncaring or too far gone to even begin to comprehend the damage.

__

Suddenly, the hallway light flicked on. Benrey flinched and curled tighter into himself instinctively, he didn't want to go back.

__

When deft hands grabbed ahold of his wrists, he snarled, but made no attempt to fight back. He knew what they'd do to him if he did. The alien went limp, allowing whoever it was to gather him into their, surprisingly, strong arms.

__

They transported him into a separate room and deposited him gently onto a strangely familiar bedding. Benrey kept all his eyes closed, even the ones that had sprouted along his arms and neck, refusing to face his assailant; both out of fear and insolence.

__

But instead of being tied down and injected with sedative to keep him still, he was pulled into a warm embrace.

__

The fog plaguing his mind gradually dissipated the longer Benrey was held, allowing him to slowly piece together what was happening. 

__

It was Gordon holding him. Not just some scientist from Black Mesa, it was _his_ scientist.

__

He snuggled closer, grasping at the fabric of Gordon's night shirt to ground himself. Gordon, in return, began to card his fingers through the alien's dark locks, drawing a low trill from Benrey's sore throat. The panic and fear he'd felt moments ago had now dissipated into a feeling of safety and love for the one holding him.

__

Gordon thankfully didn't pry about what happened. He instead focused on holding the trembling alien and rubbing circles into their tense back. The ministrations had Benrey practically _melting_ into his touch. Gordon could even hear a sound akin to purring resonating from deep within the guard's chest.

__

Benrey whined out soft pink lights when he felt a kiss press against the top of his head. Before shoving his face deeper into Gordon’s chest to hide his embarassment. The physicist smiled and hummed fondly at the sight, holding him a little tighter. 

__

"Goodnight Benrey."

__

He responded with a muffled trill and closed his heavy eyes.The world slowly became static again, but this time it was a welcomed kind of nothingness. The kind Benrey only experienced when he was in Gordon's arms.

__

The burning from his scars had faded, instead replaced with a familiar swell of warmth in his chest.

__

He was safe.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -AUGH this chapter fucking murdered me,, sorry for making yall wait I swear these updates won't always take so longg lmao,, 
> 
> -more catboy shenanigans next chapter I promise ,just had to shovel some benrey lore angst in there bc ive been itching to.
> 
> -I have alot planned out so get ready for more scenes similar to the one depicted in tonight's chapter. might change the rating to mature if I go too crazy with the details. Black Mesa is fucked what can I say 
> 
> -as always, comments and fanart make me go bonkers and lemme kno if I need to add any tags or tws
> 
> -ALSO my tumblr is @/smokey-gg, i mainly just reblog stuff im interested in, but if you wanna send fanart or asks or shoot me a dm go right on ahead


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breakfast time and also benrey brings home a lil gift that may or may not be a foreshadow to their childhood together wink wink. also just domestic moments ya know the drill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii happy new years here a new chapter sorry I died loll. you'll prob have to go back and reread the entire story since it's been a hot minute and you've prolly forgot the entire plot whoops my bad. i prommy the next chapter wont take as long,, ok enjoy xx

Benrey awoke to an empty bed the next morning.

The fading warmth beside him brought little comfort to the growing anxiety in his chest.

He studied the ceiling as last night's events played through his head. Though most of it was fuzzy, he recalled enough to feel mortified. Gordon had seen him at his absolute worse, snarling and shaking like a scared animal; and yet, he still chose to comfort him. Rather than calling Tommy to come and take care of the mess Benrey had been, Gordon had opted to put himself in danger just to comfort Benrey.

The realization caused pink orbs to sing from his lips as he rocked back and forth to stim out the energy.

A muffled voice from the outside hallway stilled his movements momentarily, as he recognized the familiar tone of Gordon talking on the phone. Benrey closed his eyes to focus on hearing past the closed bedroom door, his inhuman senses keening in on the physicist’s voice. He could easily do this all the time, but being able to hear what’s happening in every room all at once caused him extreme sensory overload, so he usually nerfed his senses unless truly needed; like now.

_“-on’t know Tommy, this is the second time he’s sang this color. And it’s-”_ Gordon was interrupted by faint cracking from the other end of the call. Tommy was asking something, probably the color.

_“Oh- it- it's, well. I’ve never seen anything like it before! It was just solid black, uh- very low tone as well.”_ More electric cracking, Benrey _could_ try focusing more to decipher what Tommy was saying, but he was already too overexerted from last night. So, he settled with filling in the blanks.

_“No rhyme? But that’s-”_ This time he knew for certain that Tommy was interrupting to explain the reasoning behind the black orbs not having a rhyme scheme. Gordon was a man of reason after all, and did not take kindly to things not having explanations. Always asking questions.

_“..Fuck ok. I-I mean I knew he was a... a resident at Black Mesa, but I never really- I didn’t-”_

Silence.

No electric cracking of Tommy’s voice over the receiver, nothing. Just the thudding of Benrey’s heart in his ears.

_How much did Tommy tell him??_

Benrey scratched at the surgical scars on his lower torso.

Finally, he heard Tommy speaking again. His voice was soft, as if he was explaining a touchy topic. Whatever he said was brief and the call shortly ended with Gordon thanking him and promising to keep him posted.

Benrey sucked in a breath, unsure of what to do with himself. Should he teleport away? Act asleep?? He settled for the latter, scrambling back under the covers as the door creaked open with the care of someone checking in on their sleeping child.

He listened as the floorboards creaked closer to his ‘sleeping’ form, until he could feel Gordon looming over him. The guard willed himself not to flinch as a warm hand rested on his cheek, thumb stroking his clammy skin.

Another hand carded through his bedridden hair, scratching earnestly at his scalp. Benrey purred lowly, pushing into Gordon’s hand with a sleepy smile. He heard the physicist chuckle from above him, scratching with purpose now, making Benrey purr louder.

“Good morning to you too. Sorry you had to wake up alone, I had to make a uh- phone call.” Gordon said as he moved to sit on the bed, allowing Benrey to crawl forward and lay across his lap.

Benrey hummed and grabbed the other’s hand again, placing it back on his head with a muffled ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

Gordon let out a snicker, “Someone’s needy~ What, I cuddle you for one night and you can’t get enough?” Benrey grumbled at the teasing, refusing to acknowledge that he did in fact want more. Warm hues dribbled out from the alien’s mouth as he buried his face into Gordon's upper thigh, sweetvoice temporarily staining his MIT sweatpants before dissipating.  
  
Surrounded by Gordon’s warmth, Benrey was sure he could die right here. One hand was scratching gently at his scalp and while the other rested on his lower back; whatever the opposite of Xen was, this was it.

The bliss was soon interrupted by the bedroom door swinging open, and Joshua launching himself onto the guard at full speed. The impact made Benrey let out an ‘oof' before going limp.

Gordon gasped in false shock as Benrey played dead in his lap, “Joshua! Oh nooo, you’ve.. slain Benrey..” He announced, wiping away a nonexistent tear to sell it. Joshua smacked at Benrey’s shoulders and wailed, “Noooo!!!! Benny pleease I’m sorry, wake up please please pleaseee!!” Before any tears could fall, however, the guard twisted over and captured Joshua in a loose embrace, growling playfully as if he were a hungry monster.

Joshua squealed in delight and clapped his hands together as Benrey blew a raspberry into his chubby neck, leaving behind bright yellow sweetvoice. Gordon recognized the color from when they last had a get-together with The Science Team. Benrey had sung the orbs while chasing Joshua, as the toddler rode in circles on Sunkist's’ back. _‘Bright yellow l-like the sun means, it- it's time- it's time to have fun!’_ Tommy had announced while passing out drinks.

“Alright alright, c’mon you two I’m making pancakes,” Gordon said, earning another squeal from his son. “BBBBBBBBB PANCAAKES” Benrey hollered, before throwing Joshua over his shoulder, and running off with the giggling toddler. Gordon sighed happily at the sight, he hadn’t seen Joshua laugh this much since before the ResCas. It made his heart ache.

By the time Gordon made it to the living room, Benrey was nowhere to be found. The only evidence of his departure being an open window near where Joshua was seated in front of the television.

“Joshie, where’d Benrey go?” The physicist asked, peering curiously out the open window for any sign of his alien roommate.

“Benny went to- to get your pr- your present. ‘M not ‘posed to tell though.” Gordon’s eyebrows shot up at the strange answer, but a single glance was enough to know he wasn’t getting any more information. Joshua was too engrossed in whatever morning cartoons were currently on, and Gordon supposed the matter wasn’t that pressing anyway.

Then again, it was Benrey.

Where the hell would they be fetching this ‘present’ from anyway? His apartment backed into thick woods that stretched on for miles. The sudden thought of the alien bringing back some poor animal made Gordon shudder; Benrey would surely be banished to the couch for weeks if even thought of doing such a thing.

Wait.

_Benrey already sleeps on the couch._

His face burned at the realization that his brain saw them sleeping in the same bed permanently after just one night together. It was far too domestic, the cheesy _‘you’re sleeping on the couch tonight mister!’_ shtick you’d see between an old married couple.

Whatever. It wasn’t like Benrey was the perfect size to fit into Gordon’s arms, radiating just enough warmth to make him never want to leave the coziness of their tangled limbs and shared breaths.

Fuck fuck.

Gordon shook his head as he pulled away from the chilled air of the open window. He’s got pancakes to make goddammit.

Sparing one last glance, he turned towards the kitchen, ruffling Joshua’s hair as he walked past where the toddler was seated.

Soon enough, the pancakes are ready. Chocolate chip for Joshua, blueberry and chocolate chip for Benrey (gross), and plain old buttermilk for Gordon. As he set the table for their meal, he violently flinched at the ear-piecing sound of something clawing its' way up his apartment wall. Gordon gripped his right arm on reflex at the danger, but his panic was soon subsided by the sight of a certain alien clambering through the window and flopping onto the floor in a heap of sweetvoice. Gordon breathed a sigh of relief and let his hand relax from the death grip it had on his scar.

Benrey laid still for a second, before scrambling upright like he’d been electrocuted. Joshua didn’t seem fazed one bit, his attention never leaving the TV before him. Gordon watched as Benrey looked around wildly, obviously trying to conceal whatever it was he had in one of his claws. Their eyes met and Benrey looked like a deer caught in the headlights. The physicist raised an eyebrow and placed a hand on his hip.

“Benrey.”

“yo.”

“Whatcha got there bud?”

“huh.”

“Benrey!”

“uhhh aha pamcakes wooooaahh,” they exclaimed in a sort of exaggerated whisper-yell. “awesome. Eat some I have toooo… bathroom.” With that, the alien made a dash for the hallway. Leaving a confused Gordon and blissfully unaware Joshua to their breakfast.  
  
After some internal debate, Gordon decided it was best to go check on what Benrey was up to. The guard’s schemes had an impressive history of ending terribly after all.

It didn't take long to find where his roommate had run off to, the sound of someone rustling through his bedroom alerting him right away of their presence.

As he pushed open the door, he was greeted with the sight of Benrey shoving something underneath his bed comforter and patting it over and over again. Gordon watched in silence from the doorway, mesmerized by the aliens' movements. It seemed as if he was conducting some kind of ritual. Patting the blankets multiple times before rubbing his face against them as well, and then repeating the previous action.

Though, the dance was soon interrupted by the sound of the floorboards creaking from where Gordon stood. Benrey whipped around, wearing a similar ‘caught in the act' expression as before.

That confirmed it. Something was going on and Gordon was determined to get to the bottom of it.

“uh- uhhh you’re- you. uhm.” The guard stammered as he looked back and forth from where Gordon stood to whatever the hell he’d buried under the physicist’s bedsheets. “Benrey. I swear to god. If you brought in some kind of- of- CARCASS I will-" Gordon was interrupted by Benrey suddenly diving under his comforter, and returning with something clutched in his right claw.

He warily approached the other man and shoved the item into Gordon’s hands, before grabbing his chullo strings and yanking down the wool to cover his flushed face.

“’s for you bro" they murmured.

Gordon looked down to find in his hand a small, dirty toy. But not just any toy, a vintage McDonald's Furby keychain ripped straight from the '90s. The cheap plastic was thoroughly rotted and one of its eyes was missing, but Gordon recognized it nevertheless from his childhood.

Only, something about his memory seemed.. off. Gordon could only recall getting a Furby toy in his happy meal on one occasion.

When he had gone camping in the summer of ’99.

His brain seemed fuzzy as he faintly remembered someone else-- another kid at the campsite. No, in the woods. Laying in the mud.

Before he could put a face to the memory, the sound of Benrey scratching at himself nervously caught his attention. Gordon grabbed the other’s arm on reflex, and then promptly softened his grip. “Benrey.. I.. this- you- why? How??” Benrey simply shrugged, looking down at where Gordon’s hand still had a gentle hold on his wrist. “..pamcake?”

Gordon sighed, knowing that he'd need to try much harder in order to get a straight answer out of Benrey. “Pancake.”

* * *

_Where was he?_

_It was bright-- but not the same sterile brightness he was used to at Black Mesa. No, this light was natural. Cathartic._

_He laid in the golden rays of sunlight, feeling the warmth hit his pale skin. The canopy of trees towering above him swayed gently in time with the breeze._

_Did he finally die? Was this Heaven? No, he couldn’t be so lucky.  
Crunching leaves._

_Someone was coming._

_He was too weak. Too tired to fight. He had used all his energy to teleport here and now couldn’t so much as lift an arm._

_Maybe if he didn’t resist they wouldn’t beat him too harshly._

_He just wanted a break. A vacation, as Tommy had taught while showing him pictures of national parks in New Mexico. The alien had planned his daring escape for weeks, laying low and gathering enough energy to teleport far away from Black Mesa, and to the nearest camping ground 800+ miles away. Now here he was. Defenseless._

_But instead of barked orders from soldiers clad in hefty body armor, he heard the distant humming of what sounded like a lullaby.  
  
Benrey used what little strength he could muster to turn his head towards the source of the enchanting tune. He caught sight of what looked to be a child his age collecting rocks. He watched in a daze as they carefully inspected each stone before shoving it in the pocket of their denim overalls. All the while humming._

_Benrey instinctively hummed out a note to match the other’s tune, the sound causing the child’s gaze to snap up and finally meet his own.  
Their eyes were delicately coated with strokes of green. They were beyond wild and adventurous, the forest's favorite person. Benrey felt safe in this stranger's presence, not even bothering an attempt to move away as they approached cautiously._

_“Uh- hi?”_

_Benrey warbled weakly._

_“You look dead.” The kid stated bluntly, lightly nudging Benrey’s side with their sneakers. Benrey hummed again, holding the same note to match the one from earlier._

_They quirked an eyebrow, “You singin' my song? You’re pretty good for a- for a dead fella.” They sat down next to Benrey, uncaring of the mud and how it stained their overalls. “Sing some more.”_

_And so he did._

_Benrey hummed and hummed until his throat was raw and only weak whines could be heard. The child then filled the silence by ranting about their favorite paleontology facts, waving their hands around excitedly, and rocking back and forth. Soon enough the sun began to dip below the horizon._

_“Oh shoot- I haveta go before my mama gets worried. C’mon, you can sleepover.” They said, offering a grubby hand for Benrey to grab as they stood. The alien gulped and weakly shook his head with great effort. His energy still hadn’t replenished and he was still unable to walk or move. It was best they went on without him._

_They retracted their overstretched hand dolefully, “Are ya sure? Your parents waitin’ on ya or- or somethin'?” Another jerky head shake. The child seemed concerned now, forehead creased with worry as they looked at the alien. A few seconds passed before their eyes seemed to light up with a solution to their inner conflict._

_“Stay here imma- just be a sec.”_

_Benrey could only watch as they bounded off, stumbling slightly as the forest grew darker and darker with each passing moment._

_By the time they came back, the sun had long since set; darkness now enveloping the forest. They stepped carefully through the dense shrubbery, shining a dim flashlight around before spotting Benrey and hurrying to their side. The alien watched as they unfolded some kind of covering and then threw it unceremoniously over his form._

_It was soft-- softer than any fabric he’d ever felt before. It was nothing like the blankets back at Black Mesa, which were thin and scratchy and cold. This was soft and warm, a hand-knitted quilt that smelled like a home he’d never known._

_“I know it ain’t much, but it’ll keep ya warm through the night. I’ll- I’ll come back in the morning. You take care now, g’night.” The kid then turned tail and disappeared back the way they came. Leaving Benrey alone with the fireflies and crickets._

_The mellow sounds of nature lulled his eyelids to close, and soon enough Benrey found himself drifting off. Surrounded by the warm blanket and pleasant thoughts of what was to come tomorrow, Benrey felt safer than he had in years._

* * *

The rest of the day was pretty mundane, but a good kind of mundane. A domestic bliss that made Gordon feel normal for once in his life. Just going through the motions with his roommate and son. They almost seemed like a pretty regular family from an outsiders' perspective-- that is if you ignored the fact that Benrey was an alien from a hell dimension. Yep, perfectly normal.

Gordon yawned as the movie they were currently bundled up watching ended, the credits illuminating their cuddle-pile. Benrey was flush against his side, hugging his bicep and singing lowly; while Joshua laid asleep in Gordon's lap, twitching slightly as he dreamt. A glance at his phone informed him that it was well past his son's bedtime. He nudged Benrey out of his dazed state and nodded his head towards Joshua's bedroom. The alien seemed to bluescreen for a second before shooting him a thumbs-up and untangling from Gordon's side.

He watched with heavy eyelids as Benrey carefully scooped the toddler into their arms, maneuvering his sleeping form as if he were made of glass. With Joshua successfully in their arms, they bounced him softly for a more secure grip; a technique he'd observed from Gordon. The new position allowed Joshua's head to come to rest on their shoulder, his arms wrapped loosely around the guard's neck as Benrey swayed softly back and forth.

Gordon felt his heart swell at the sight.

Never did he think he'd ever grow so comfortable as to allow Benrey of all people to put his son to bed, but here they were.

Benrey padded off with the kid safely in their arms, disappearing into Joshua's bedroom. Gordon rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stood, popping his back as he stretched and let out a dad groan.

He was surprised to hear murmurs of a hushed conversation as he approached the darkened room. Parental concern and curiosity had Gordon standing hidden just behind the ajar door, keying in to eavesdrop.

"Benny?" Joshua yawned, rubbing his heavy eyes with chubby fists.

"whuh- bro.. go back to sleeps c'mon gotta- gotta get those uh sheeps." Benrey said as he pulled Joshua's blanket up to his chin, softly patting the covers for good measure.

Joshua continued on, ignoring Benreys hushed plea. "You-" the toddler yawned, "you'll stay forever right?" Benrey's eyes widened, clearly caught off guard from such a heavy question. He sputtered out a couple of orbs before settling on an answer.

"i'm- i'm not going anywhere. frienddd. now sleep? please? thanks so much." Joshua seemed content with the answer and smiled, his arms reaching out with grabby hands. Benrey leaned forward, unsure of what the toddler wanted. He remembered watching Gordon end every bedtime with a 'goodnight kiss'. It must be what he wanted. Benrey hesitantely leaned closer and pressed an awkward kiss onto the toddlers' forehead with an exaggerated smooch noise that made Joshua giggle and flap his hands.

Finally satisfied, the toddler settled back under the covers. Benrey sang out a low tune of sweetvoice as Joshua's eyes slowly closed, falling back asleep in no time. Though the guard remained at his bedside, watching Joshua as if he were the most interesting thing in the world. Wringing their hands, Benrey spit out a few vibrant orbs, before patting Joshua's sleeping form lightly and standing to leave.

Gordon snapped out of his trance and quickly retreated away from the door and back to his room, hoping his cover hadn't been blown. He was luckily already in his pajamas, so he hurriedly climbed under the duvet in record time. After a few minutes, Gordon's bedroom door creaked open. He looked up from his phone to find Benrey standing in the doorway, fiddling with the strings of his chullo. "kids uh- asleep. so. bye." They mumbled before turning to leave.

Gordon scrambled to stand, "BEnrey- You." He stopped and composed himself, "..Thank you really, I appreciate you helping with Joshua. A-Always." A beat of silence passed as they just stared at each other. Benrey half-way out the door and Gordon a bit dizzy from standing so quickly.

"'s no prob." They replied nonchalantly, shifting their gaze to the floor and smacking their lips. Gordon gulped, the question heavy on his tongue. Why did Benrey have to make it so difficult??

Benrey made a move to leave again and finally Gordon blurted out the uncertain request he'd been mulling over all day.

"Stay?"

The guard stilled, eyes darting back and forth like a startled animal. Finally, he nodded, singing out rose-tinted orbs as he warily approached the other side of Gordon's bed. Gordon settled back under the covers and swallowed thickly as Benrey stared at him unmoving.

"Ah- you- you don't have to stay.. I just. Sorry, I'm-" Though the rustling of blankets stopped Gordon from spiraling any further, as Benrey clambered into bed next to him. Benrey looked up at him with big saucer-like pupils as a cold finger poked his side, making him yelp in surprise. Gordon huffed a laugh at the antics and felt the tension in the room depart as he took his glasses off and turned off the lamp.

Gordon then turned towards Benrey, wrapping them into his warm embrace. Benrey bumped their head against his collarbone, rubbing their face into the fabric of his sweater and purring out orbs that made Gordon's skin prickle with warmth upon impact.

They could work out the schematics later, Gordon decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i worked rlly hard on this chapter and it's prolly the longest I've ever written >:00 hope it was worth the wait. if you have any questions or fanart (please) just hit me up on tumblr @/smokey-gg !! ok love you bye

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to hear your feedback!!! I'm very nervous as this is my first work in the fandom aaa


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